adieu

Mama and I had a conversation. In the middle of the conversation, I said in the situation that we were talking about, I will cry. And she said

'Don't. That's the last thing I wanna hear.' I'm left struck. Partially because I'm touched and partially because I simply can't comprehend the things she have done and the things she's doing.

I proceeded with the thing I said I did not want to a month ago. I write when surges of emotions jolt within me. I mark my every day to be a better person and I try hard, sometimes too hard till I'm exploited. I still get very very lazy and untidy at times when I feel like being so. I hope for things and I want them to happen and when they don't, I, like how other people would, get disappointed. I may see things clearer as the years pass by. Still, I cannot help but to react the same way I did 7 years ago. I get tangled in a quandary a lot. I still think a lot, in fact over the years I think more. I cry whenever I want to, and easily too. My deepest thoughts are always within me and I always explode at the wrong time and the wrong place. I hurt people. I have a sweet tooth, God forbids I'll have diabetes. I still catch a cold easily, sometimes too easily. I am not always what people want me to be. I read to have a part of other people's lives in me. I watch the television a lot on holidays. There's always a little Eza Faiqa inside my head saying things I want and do not want to hear. I'm still attached to my teddy bear. I hate ultimatums. I tend to forget things and think I do but I'll do nothing until I actually remember (those words do not make sense but I get it). I do not have any new year resolutions. And no, it is not because 2010 is too overwhelming or I'm being negative or whatnot, it's just that - I come up with resolutions all the time. I may not necessarily follow them but oh well.. I try ;)

I'm done packing. I'm ready but not ready. I want but I do not want. I love but I hate. I am one hell of an inexplicable creature :P

Here's to 2010 and its fireworks.

Happy new year people.

Happy new year, me.

Another year to reminisce the 'what-have-beens', to regret the 'what-could-have-beens' and to anticipate the 'what's-next'.

Tata :)

central market

If there's a choice to go to central market again. I'd definitely choose no.

Wake up early and get ready for school? Hmm. 'Awesome' :P Having to wait 4 hours at school until the teachers are done with their meeting? 'Super awesome' :D Okay, school was a stranger. I see traces everywhere but I can never piece them back. Silly, I know. But but I am glad to know that some of these schoolians (hehehehehe, sabians sound so, last year? :P) still remember me :D One boy was like 'Hi Kak Eza!' and I was like 'Awwwww'. No "aww" at the part of being called kakak, of course. But that boy and his sweetness, I'd say he's forgiven :)

Oh oh. One more thing - I got bitten by mosquitoes everywhere while I was waiting for the teachers. And they were aedes mosquitoes. Latifah, focus on the mosquitoes. Haha :P

And then there was central market. My first time (and my last, definitely.) I was definitely sleepy in the train and when I reached the pasar seni station, I was like, I don't see no central market.. I got winked at, hi-ed at, offered rides to, and watched at. And the bus that was honking at the lorry, that gave me a heart attack.

I shall never repeat that. Toodles. 

DHL, kardashians, big shirt and omelette

1. The title basically sums up my day. 
   
2. I've been watching reruns of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' the whole day. 
   
3. I can finally breathe, thanks to DHL. 
   
4. And I cooked lunch today :D 
   
5. Cleaning up the kitchen will be soon-ish, before the parents come back, of course. 
   
6. I can't wait to go watch Alvin and the Chipmunks tonight :D
   
7. My bed is still in a mess.
8. My baby had a late night bath inside the washing machine last night and he smells good :D
9. Once I get everything done, I'll be out and about to salvage the last days of my holiday :P
10. December 28th, here I come baby :D

colored papers

I have never found such comfort splurging on papers, pens and other writing materials. Should do it more often :D

For the first time ever, I forgot today is the release date of the results for the tests I took recently :D Why on earth am I so cheerful and relaxed? Eza Faiqa is like a born worrier :P 

Ps: Dearest Mira,

• Jail t-shirt (HAHA :P)
• Nail polish
• Hair color
• Environment-friendly bag
• Good food

I'd say you had a good day ;)

Pps: How do I reach the teachers before January 1st? Sighhhh

let me fall

Understand the people around you, especially when you drive cars along the roads in Malaysia. Then maybe others will be understanding.

Things have crossed my mind, a lot of things. But whenever I sit myself in front of the computer, words won't come out. I have been productive these days, I swear.

1. I reorganized my closet twice.
2. I half-packed the luggage to college, not that I can't wait or anything. I just got bored and it was part of reorganizing my closet anyway :P
3. I listed down the things I need (okay, buying them is another thing. I'll get down to business soon)
4. The sisters and the me scouted for Mama's birthday present yesterday :) And we found this beautiful bright yellow purse from Coach. The present is supposed to ignite the youth within her, hopefully :P
5. And her birthday's not in another three weeks or so.
6. I bought stuff for myself. (Shall I correct that, they're not stuff, they're needs and I speak of nothing but the truth :D)
7. I've been successful in reading my book slowly and I love Jodi Picoult's Handle With Care but why did Willow have to die? :'(
8. Okay, I cried yet again reading a soppy book.
9. I succeeded in making myself a walking and talking Garmin when my relatives were over here. I am getting better with directions :D
10. He proved, yet again without fail, to be the spoilt brat he is. And I'm getting there, if only there's some level-up for patience. Good news is, he did not provoke the ire within me this time.
11. I finished college stuff online and settled the subjects mishap.
12. I am irrevocably addicted to reorganizing and cleaning (wait till I get to college to regain the title Miss Lazy Butt at home :P)
13. I cleaned my hostel room and had a sneezing fiesta. Sighhh.
14. I used to find the idea of a mother not wanting her child even the slightest bit simply preposterous. I read a book and let's just say it was an eye-opener.
15. Maybe, I'm not someone of strong principles as I thought I was.
16. I am 95% done with papers and essays and boring things :)
17. The sales are crazy (which isn't a bad thing at all :D)
18. I have let someone know, recently, my deepest thoughts over the past year and I thank her for listening.
19. The two best ways to comfort me, I realized recently - leave me alone at home and let me watch things I'd want to watch on tv :)

The things in the list might not even be proofs of my productiveness but I guess I'm tired of essays and whatnot ;)

Loves :)

December, one-four

I've been shopping a lot lately.

Mama a.k.a the lady of leisure of today (and today only) took us out shopping :D Apparently, Faiza wasn't going out and apparently she won't start working until Wednesday.. Some caring sister I am to figure this out today :P

So, the sister and the me woke up at 6, as usual, and as PER usual, found ourselves back in bed 15 minutes later. I figured Mama wasn't going to work and hence expected her to wake us up screaming at around 8 or 9.

What surprised me was waking up at 11 to find the mother lazing around on the couch and the sister still lost in la la land.

This is the first time since forever that we did not wake up to a screaming mother (in her presence, of course :P)

I reckon mother needs more days off. Hehehehehehe :) Mama, don't read this. :P

Ps: The pair of shoes was an impulse buy. I just had to have it :D Some way of comforting myself eh? :P

Pps: Nisa, HAPPY 18th! :)

12052009

Eza Faiqa thinks, Eza Faiqa thinks hard...

1. I think I failed all my subject tests today :P Tu lah, tak belajar lagi.. Yay me :D
2. I was in luck when most of the questions in biology were genetics or at least that's what I chose to believe, oh and I picked the molecular section :D
3. Finished my test, waited for an hour, really wanted to go out but I ended up sleeping the whole evening :P
4. I want books. No, I NEED books. No. I DEMAND BOOKS. And no, enough of SAT, period.
5. Vacation? :( Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? I'll be an angel, just give me a holiday. An actual holiday, not the holiday where I laze and sit around at home the whole day.. ;)

Tata :)

three twelve two zero zero nine

I officially hate applications. They're very tedious, makes me sleepless thinking about what I have or have not done. Grrrrr applications grrrrrr :(

Nabil, may your _ _ _ _ gets well soon :P No worries, I won't tell the world what you're suffering from *angelic face*

Oh, and please makan, you look anorexic :)

Ps; Isn't the hippo in his hands cute? :D

Tata :)

December the 2nd

I think the yellow fish in my aquarium is a piranha in disguise.

Can't wait till Saturday's over :D

Inspiration? Where are youuuu? I've been waiting for you for almost 48 hours nowwwwwwww. I don't mind you taking your time, but the deadline is really really important??? Please come and drop by? Pretty please, with cherries on top????????

Oh dear brain, make yourself work yeah? :P

This book. I want, too.